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IASIP Rocks
user level: Rookie
posted 11:18a, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



(I wrote this yesterday and put it up on the football forum, but some knucklehead took it down, so I thought this might be a better place for it.)

I wanted to share some thoughts from the hit book "How to Handle Being The Worst Team in the Big XII South". This book, originally authored by fans of Baylor University, with foreword by Oklahoma State, has been a work in progress for 14 some-odd years now.

Now that we have handed that prestigious torch off to your school, and it looks like it will stay that way for quite some time, you and your Aggie friends may want to really get into this material. Here are some highlights:

Chapter 1 - Bring up past records when discussing your program with friends. The best way to do this is to start from the present and go back through the past until you can find where you have more wins than "x" team. Inconsistencies in time frame does not matter - it can be 5 years for one team and 45 for another.

Chapter 3 - Find other parts of your athletic program that you can be proud of and meticulously learn and promote their accomplishments, no matter how embarrassing the sport. Baylor has done this recently with women's basketball, tennis, and most notably, track and field (Olympic gold medalist anyone?). Rumor has it that your men's club lacrosse team is pretty awesome. Just throwing that out there.

Chapter 5 - Find a couple of solid scapegoats and complain tirelessly about them. Your fan base has already advanced far in this area, with "Shermione" and "$Bill" taking the brunt of this effective relaxation technique.

Chapter 10 - Pick a team to hate and root for their failure. For Baylor fans, this has been you, and look how well it's worked! It's like The Secret - the power of positive thinking. It's very refreshing to change the channel from a frustrating loss and watch your sworn enemy fail. You may have to really dig deep here - you want a team that is average to pretty bad. You losing and them winning is a double whammy, so don't set your sites too high (UT/Tech). Arkansas is a good start, they're down this year.

Chapter 11 (THIS IS A BIG ONE) - Focus on moral victories. This chapter has a lot of content, so really pay attention to it. Within the umbrella of the moral victories chapter you'll find subsections such as: a) Don't pin your hopes on winning the game, pin your hopes on covering the spread. The spread is key, and beating the spread will bring you years and years of joy. b) Get excited about first downs. These may be harder to come by than you think, so really cherish them. c) Find remote stats that can highlight your improvement. Really dig into improvement. This should be a buzzword to use in the coming years.

Chapter 12 - Talk about the other redeeming qualities of your school. This is tricky, because it's actually really dorky to engage in academic smack talk, but, if done correctly, can deflect the focus of a conversation away from your school's crappy football program and onto other areas where the playing field is more level. Now, I'm tailor making this to A&M a little here, but I would recommend you focus on your strong engineering and business school reputation, and don't forget to bring up your various traditions! People never get tired of hearing about this.

Chapter 14** - Find another school to support on the side. This chapter is very controversial and was only added in later editions. I myself never went down this road, but several of my friends found a great deal of relaxation and comfort in finding a side school. While immediate family connections are the best (father graduated from Penn State or mom and dad met at Florida), it is also valid to dig deep into your family's history to find that great aunt that went to Alabama or that second cousin who got a masters at USC. The further away the school, the better. Claim that you have been watching them for years - especially as a little kid growing up. This helps ward off eye rolls and front-runner accusations from your friends. **Note: though highly successful, this chapter can be very dangerous, and is probably the only method that will incur hatred from fellow alumni and students. Use Chapter 14 at your own risk. Advanced students only. I'd say you'll be there en mass around 2013 - although seeing how your fan-base is bailing after 3 losing seasons out of the past 24, you may be there as early as 2010. Talk about advanced students!

That's it folks. I'll send you a copy for free - we're so excited to share this with a team not named Baylor. And you may read this and think: wow, Baylor is pathetic. This is really sad stuff. No, no! This is you! This WAS Baylor and now IS your school! I'm talking about what you and your fan base will be and have already started saying and doing.

I want to leave you with this. This can be your chance to practice, right now. Skim some of the material above, and go ahead and start using it on me. I would say the record route is the obvious way to go, but don't be afraid to be creative. Angry phrases like "F off" and total dismissal of my thread also work. Have fun, and I'll critique some of your responses as we go..



morethanthreeyards
user level: TexAgs Legend
posted 11:20a, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



I was wondering where the Baylor fans were.

nactownag
user level: TexAgs LegendAggie5th C Fine Jewelry Customer12th Man DonorAssociation of Former Students DonorVarsity Level Supporter
posted 11:25a, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply





My Bonfire Tribute


AggieDub04
user level: All-StarAggie
posted 11:32a, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



Although I post here sparingly, I do read much of what goes on in Rivalries. Mainly because a lot of it is hilarious. We have lots of Ags, sips, tards, and a few land-thieves, but I never see any bears stay around for long. Oh sure, Longhorn DUB went there, but obviously doesn't claim them. Does anyone know why none stick around?

footballgenius
user level: Rookie
posted 11:52a, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



They are too intelligent and have meaningful things to do.

TTUArmy
user level: Hall of Famer
posted 12:41p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



They pray 7 times a day. There isn't a lot of time to post.

MidnightBevo
user level: TexAgs Legend
posted 12:51p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



You have to admit those are pretty decent suggestions. And it is from an authority on the subject. Although his 14 years working on it seems weird since the conference isn't that old.


"We won the game," Texas defensive guru Will Muschamp said. "Stats are for losers. I like winning games."


A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.

Socialism is a dangerous drug. Just Say NObama.


atfarmer
user level: TexAgs LegendAgTag EXPIRING soon!
posted 1:43p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



I'll start out by saying I laughed at a few of those. It is pretty funny. However, I wouldn't be so quick to coronate us as the perennial bottom dwellers of the big 12 south. Sherman walked into a uniquely bad situation (depleted oline riddled with injuries, poor defense that graduated its best dlineman and 2 starting linebackers) and it has really showed.

I'm not sure that he's gonna get it done here, but I'd bet this is his worst team at A&M.


Dallasag02
user level: TexAgs LegendAggiePremium Level Supporter
posted 1:44p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



The reaction to this post by some at the Zoo was awesome.

TooCold
user level: TexAgs LegendAggie Spirit
posted 1:46p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



Unlike Baylor, there are other sports in our athletic department that we can turn to. They are last in everything...except tennis. EAD HTH

gunan01
user level: Hall of FamerAggie
posted 1:48p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



Ya didn't Baylor win the NC in tennis?

IASIP Rocks
user level: Rookie
posted 2:15p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



TooCold: There you go! You're getting it. Although, like I said, be sure to do your research before you start talking about other sports, as those pesky idiots over at ESPN, AP, and USA Today seem to think that both our men's and women's basketball teams are better than yours. What do they know, though? (dismisses with wanking motion)

But, that's good, you see what you did there? You took the focus off of your football team and drew me into a debate about women's basketball. Even if I win, I still lose, because it's women's basketball! Nicely done!


Wacko
user level: All-Star
posted 2:32p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



quote:
Unlike Baylor, there are other sports in our athletic department that we can turn to. They are last in everything...except tennis. EAD HTH


Fantastic job there! Chapters 3 and 10 together in one post. Good show.

quote:
However, I wouldn't be so quick to coronate us as the perennial bottom dwellers of the big 12 south. Sherman walked into a uniquely bad situation (depleted oline riddled with injuries, poor defense that graduated its best dlineman and 2 starting linebackers) and it has really showed.

I'm not sure that he's gonna get it done here, but I'd bet this is his worst team at A&M.


Good work here, Chapters 5 and 11 down!


BMan2434
user level: All-StarAggieAssociation of Former Students Donor
posted 3:35p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



Haha, this was actually pretty good. Nice job.





Now go eph yourself.
Thanks,
That is all.


WreckemTTech
user level: All-Star
posted 5:36p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



instant classic!

Dallasag02
user level: TexAgs LegendAggiePremium Level Supporter
posted 5:51p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



I highly suggest this book for all programs at some time or another.

Dallas Ag00
user level: All-StarAggie
posted 5:54p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



You forgot to include the part about being a fortuneteller or a backup for John Edwards in "Crossing Over". Somehow you "KNOW" that A&M will be in the cellar for NOW ON and will never beat BAYOR, UT, TECH ever again.

Do us all a favor and post next week's lottery numbers!

I'm curious, EVERY SINGLE YEAR A&M soundly beat Baylor(like last year), would Aggies show up on the Baylor board to gloat and post stupid sh** like this? If so, I apologize and thanks for not stooping to their level.

Have a nice day!

P.S. This tactic is called Sarcasm, which I will be happy to educate you in its many facets. I will be back to critique your highly-valued, impartial and fact-driven response. Because it's painfully obvious that you are going to milk this rare opportunity/moment for all it's worth. Although, it may take a while for me to do this because there is this thing outside my office called a LIFE. This keeps me from my computer from time to time. I'm sure you understand(sarcasm).

Oh, and don't forget those lottery numbers Nostradomus! ;-)

[This message has been edited by Dallas Ag00 (edited 11/19/2008 6:05p).]


2ndGen87
user level: Hall of FamerAgTag EXPIRING soon!Basic Level Supporter
posted 11:46p, 11/19/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



Really funny - instant classic is right

firethewagonup
user level: Hall of Famer
posted 5:00a, 11/20/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



only a baylor fan could point out so much as to the fact of being in last place, since they have that locked just about every year

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gig'em Aggies

Definition of teasip:

One of alternate lifestyle and reality. Delusions of grandeur is a main symptom. One who has limp wrists and a small junk is a telltale sign. Favorite color = rainbow. Whiney, Pee-Wee Hermanlike. The other guy on "Will & Grace" TV show. Anyone that attended texas university is a teasip.

Definition of a tceh-tard:
Tortilla throwing, syphilis infected, Dominoes pizza driver who knows stuff.


tamuags08
user level: TexAgs LegendAggie5th C Fine Jewelry CustomerAssociation of Former Students DonorBasic Level Supporter
posted 8:38a, 11/20/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



Funny post.

That said, I hope you all die a slow, painful death.


AFT
user level: All-Star
posted 8:44a, 11/20/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



IASIP Rocks - that pretty much sounds like what the aggies do anyway

Texas Tech Universe
user level: Hall of Famer
posted 9:11a, 11/20/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



quote:
only a baylor fan could point out so much as to the fact of being in last place, since they have that locked just about every year



I think that's the point.


sjones
user level: VeteranAgTag EXPIRING soon!Premium Level Supporter
posted 4:17p, 11/20/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



By the way this post made in on to Sports Illustrated's Campus Clicks today.

RightWingConspirator
user level: TexAgs LegendAggie
posted 5:46p, 11/20/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



As an Aggie, even I can admit that this was a quality post. Good stuff!

TAF


5 4
user level: TexAgs LegendAggie Spirit12th Man DonorPremium Level Supporter
posted 8:44p, 11/20/08this user's public profilesend private message to useredit this replyobject to this reply



Good luck to BU in it's first bowl game as a member of the Big XII. Briles has already taken Teaffs' spot as Baylor Football Jesus. Good times indeed.

 
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